Dear Ali Sina,
Warning: It may be too long but this is my story of leaving Islam and beyond. I consider you one of the few people that would listen.
One of my favorite quotes ever is “truth shall set you free” and you are the one that awakened me a while ago although I never sent you a thank you letter. So I guess I owe a HUGE thank you because you are one of the rare people that helped me confirm that the world I lived in was a big fat lie and nobody even dared to wonder “what if all this is wrong”.
I’m young, a 16 year old boy and for 15 years I’ve been raised as a Muslim. I followed my religions beliefs as if I had no other choice. If I was born a Muslim that was the way I ought to spend my life never asking too much questions because questions would lead me astray. I prayed a lot and was a really devoted Muslim. I even read Qur’an as the word of God. Everyone in my country was doing so, why wouldn’t I?
On my 15th birthday I wanted to pray 5 times a day and devote my self to Allah. This may sound irrelevant but my birthday wish was “to make all the right decisions”. It really came true. I never thought my life would change in this way. Exactly one week later I had a beautiful day , and for some reason I started collecting small rocks from my favorite places , listening to music and on the eve of the same day I for some unknown reason I goggled “spells” , that’s probably because I got bored and after such a beautiful day , the evening seemed dull.
That word changed my life forever, but it wasn’t just the word, but Life had prepared me to react differently to the information I had just found. As a child, I always used to watch Charmed, a TV-show about magic, spells, potions, demons, long story short it was a fairy-tale life but I always used to see myself as a warlock or a witch having wonderful powers and stuff but even as a child I knew that it was just my over active imagination after all Allah is One and Our life purpose was to Pray and bla bla bla. You get the point.
The search in Google about the word “spells” had a lot of results to my surprise so because I had nothing to do I decided to click over them and see what crap there is, but what I found out was more incredible than I ever imagined. It wasn’t the fairytale world of Charmed, that’s for sure but it was a whole different world. In this website it was written that witchcraft was not the work of Devil, ‘cuz devil never existed anyway, but rather was a chant to a Loving God to grant a desire. It spoke about Astral world as a chance to do the things we always dreamed, because it was actually the place we went when we slept. It spoke about love, a topic Islam never touched, as the source of all, it spoke about Karma which at the time was an unfamiliar concept to me, it spoke about humanity’s evolution, a topic I had always fought against, it spoke that the reason why spells came true was because there was a field, universe itself that granted our grandest desire.
Long story short it introduced a WHOLE NEW WORLD for me. I didn’t immediately accept it. It was all Satan’s work and this was the way for him to lead my astray from my Islamic Path. It was just too good to be true and it was the opposite of everything my family , my mosque , my friends and teachers had taught me , but I couldn’t help wondering What if ? , What if everything I took for granted was right? , What if I’ve been laid all my life? And so on so I started doubting my religion, Allah and Quran.
I guess I started to ask questions, something Allah really didn’t want me to do, because I had to believe the Unknown, and Qur’an had all the answers anyway. But something inside of me was restless .I was introduced to a world of choice where I could research about all the religions and the one that was the rightest to me was the one I’d choose. For the first time in my life I had the option of having a choice, not a religion which was forced from family and even country.
I didn’t leave Islam immediately because it would destroy my comfort zone. After all I had been a devoted Muslim for a long while and fear of hell always wins. Fear. That’s how Islam and other organized religion have survived. So I decided to do research about Islam and many of the results were “Allah is one – fear him and he will grant you hereafter (Heaven)”.After all what I always wanted to do after I reached adulthood was to become a shehid – to die in the name of Allah , probably taking many innocent people with me. I wanted that because that’s what Friday mosque speech told us. It was a fool- proof plan. We would die in the name of God and we could choose 70 people to take with us in heaven. I even was making the list in my mind. Who should I pick?
Thinking about it now, I was so naive, incredibly naive, and that was so because I had a lack of information. I saw the world as a test ground where I had to deny myself pleasure , give money to the church , pray 5 times a day in Arabic (thing we had memorized and we didn’t even know their meaning).If it is written in the Quran , it had to be so. Also I had to read Quran, most of which was filled with hadith, something I never understood. Why does God’s word need texts from other people? Anyway, I also had to fast Ramadan and so on so I could have a chance to be on Allah’s good list.
So I researched more and more and the results I found were incredibly shocking. They were totally blasphemy, or so I thought and among those results were information of Quran contradictions and error. I WAS SHOCKED. How could a religion with so many believers have errors and contradictions ??? Something was wrong. I had my doubts but never thought that the truth was so hurtful but it wasn’t the truth that hurt, it was the lies that I had lived my life doing and believing.
That’s where you got in. I found you website, not easily I might add. It was so shocking. You totally opened my eyes about the reality that I considered true. You actually had the courage to give answers that everybody avoided. You helped me more than you could ever imagine. You gave me the truth. A truth I didn’t accept that easily was a truth that was so undeniable. A truth that set me free.
So now I was free but so confused. Everything I’d ever know was crushed. I didn’t know what to do. Everyone around me was Muslim. No one would understand and even though I was so incredibly lost I felt happy because I knew I had broken away from a life full of hate.
The fact that I had become familiar with witchcraft helped me a lot because it was a religion which said “we are not the only way, we are merely one”. That saying just warmed my heart because my life wasn’t filled with fear anymore. I had love in my heart, something I wasn’t learned through Islam.
I was introduced to a life where love dominated, peace was the primal goal, and the only rule/law was DO NO HARM. What more could I want. I had spells which would help my life improve .I had it all but still I had many questions. Why did my spells came true, what was the field, what was really god, why is the world as it is, what was life’s purpose, who we are, where do we come from. These were questions Witchcraft failed to answer.
So I decided to leave Witchcraft for a while so I could seek the truth. For some reason I became interested in Hinduism. It was really interesting and the concept of karma and reincarnation really got my attention. So I got into it and read a lot of its literature. As interesting as it was I had to move one and learn about other religions also. So I became acquainted with Christianity. It was a joke. It was full of fear and couldn’t be a Christian for more than a week. So then I became interested with Buddhism. I loved it, the meditation, Buddha, Enlightenment .I loved the idea of not wanting anything, because I already had it all. For many reasons that didn’t fulfill me. So I found Theosophy and till now, it’s the only rational religion, if it even was one. It gave me so many answers, intellectual ones but the reason d’etre I got apart from it was the over abstractness. I didn’t quite understand Life.
So I decided to follow a life living the combo of all religions. Well at least till I found something else. The combo was a pile of ideas that made all religions great. I was happy but I really wanted to find the truth, the ultimate one. That wasn’t hard. All I had to do was look for it, something other people don’t do. I read the book “The Celestine Prophecy”. A beautiful book. The first one I read where the concept of God was as a source of energy , not a white bearded man standing in the sky judging people and acting through miracles and bla bla bla, an image I’d left when I left Islam. This book was about awakening of humanity, seeing the world through different eyes, talked about the connectedness with everyone.
It was just the first book with many to follow. I read probably all Deepak Chopras books, , where he explained life , universe , good as a single principle, life after death , answering millions of my questions, Echart Tolle who explained Ego and consciousness .Then came Wayne Dyer teaching me to be a Non Limit Person. Also read “Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman a book that changes lives.
The biggest shock of all was the Law of Attraction. That seemed the bottom. The secret of Life was revealed and all I ever wanted I could have. It may have seemed suspicious but every time I’d try it, it would work. Somehow the universe was taking care of me. I read “the teachings of Abraham”, not the prophet but an extraterrestrial being .What ??? Another Shock. So there is life on other planets. That just was the bottom. I searched for Extraterrestrials, not the UFO attack crap, but other being in other dimensions, spiritual beings, beings of love, beings that have already evolved in the stages we are. Wow! Shocking! “The pleadings, the ashtar command”. I wasn’t sure I could take it. This just raised more questions. Why wasn’t I aware that there was life on other planet? Who were they? What did they want? Where did they come from? And so on.
I managed to answer all those questions by time. They were usually being who have lived on earth and have evolved going on higher realities, and they wanted to help us because the time we are living is a time of shift, change. Not the Armageddon, not Apocalypse, not the end of the world, but a new beginning, a new start, the Age of Aquarius. Wasn’t that something? The Mayan prophecy of 2012.I guess I was just amazed. I began watching incredible documentaries such as “What the bleep do we know “Spiritual Reality” “Earthlings” “The 11th Hour” all a great work of people who wanted to evolve the world.
The greatest shock of all was “Conversations with God” by Donald Neal Walsch a man who really talked with God , a unconditionally loving God , A God you can fall in love with, a God who gave all the answers , a God that we can contact every second , we could talk to God on our own. We didn’t need a middle man. God was always there. And now he wanted to tell us the secrets of life. A God you can laugh with, a God that Is Everything. No wonder his name is I Am That, I Am because she is every that there is. He is all there is .Now I have such a beautiful relationship with God.
I was living peacefully but everywhere I looked I saw violence, people that had stopped the connection to God and were hanging on to some Allah, Jesus or whatever. People were suffering and I couldn’t stop wondering why? Why was Life so Hard for others? Why didn’t people seek the truth as I did and find out the joy of life? What was stopping people? Who was the person behind the curtain that was letting this happen? It certainly wasn’t God who was responsible for this. God has granted us free will and would never take that away. It was we, humans that had created this reality.
I realize that I’m 16 but was does that mean. That just shows that if a person is devoted to find answers, no matter what his or her age is, can find them. The truth Is right in front of our eyes. We just need to look closely.
I know now that I have a Grand part in the changes to come and I intent to read books, help people, and reach the Utopia we always wanted.
I am forever grateful for helping me realize how shallow Islam was, without you I wouldn’t have gone through this journey of finding the truth. You were the one that helped me realize I have a bigger life purpose or even that I have one. I haven-t reached The Ultimate Truth but I am quite close.
I’d like to end this letter with my favorite quote ever:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I hope I haven’t bored you. I hope you edit this story of mine in your website so it can inspire others to go and seek their part of the truth. We all have a purpose. It’s like Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world”.
Please, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org