I hate paradise

By: Amar Khan

I often used to think that if God wants us to bow down to him, worship him, and pray to him then why did he give us logic. Why?

Living in a Muslim country with my Muslim family, I sometimes shake my head at the blind faith of my dear ones and friends asking simple questions like: Why did God give us wisdom? He wants us to worship him with the 1400 years old ridiculous method five times a day?

Why we are to remain hungry? Why do we spend lots of money for visiting the kaba?
Instead of this, isn’t it better that this amount of money be better used for the victims of earthquakes etc?

And when I come across any fundamental uncle, I always ask childishly that
Uncle! What is fault of my class mate David who mistakably was born in a Christian family?

Will he be roasted in the hell fire for ever?
For ever……………………………….no time limit …………….no mercy ……..for ever?

And I know he is far better then me. He is a good human. If he isn’t going there then who will play football with me?

Prophet Mohammed?

No he can’t because he can only play blood but I hate that.

I often ask that will we have children in paradise.

No! Why?

What about a lot of pleasure and happiness that I got from small cousins and other kids?
To whom will I kiss and take on my back? To whom will I teach walking?
What about my Tommy (dog)?

I can’t live without him in the paradise. Who will catch my ball in paradise? Without Tommy paradise will be boring. I think angels would be frightened there in the presence of Tommy?

In paradise there will be a lot of canals of milk?

But I don’t like milk. My mother always forced me to drink it since my childhood.
How will I bear the whole canal of milk?

Would there be any university or college?
Any teacher?

Then to whom I will tease while teaching?

What about the hooting of newly teaching professor?

Will there be any kind of cricket match?


Then what about the excitement and joy we have watching a cricket match .Especially between India and Pakistan.

What about the net chatting and forums of orkut? What about the teasing of girls studying in the library?

And finally
What about every thing except sex, lust, milk and honey which will not be available in paradise?

Will we have mangoes there?

No, I don’t think so because Mohammed would not have ever seen mangoes.

Will my wife bear me having sex with any hoor?

I don’t think so because my fiancée even cannot see me talking to any girl except her.
If Zakir Naik is right and “hoor” means both men and women then would God accept gays there?

And most important I, living in an Asiatic background, could not bear seeing my wife having joy with someone else even in paradise.

According to Tariq Jamil (a scholar of tablegi jamat Pakistan), a hoor will be having one mile long clothes of noor. Will I have to work hard to reach her after traveling a distance of one mile?

All the singers and actors will be in hell. Then how can I listen to the music of Atif Aslam?

Will I be able to ask Mohammed, in paradise, why did he slaughtered the innocent people of banu Quraiza?

Will I be able to ask Ali bin Talib why did he burn the atheist of his time?

Some people will be rich there and others would be jealous and envious even in paradise?

Would my uncles not quarrel for the castles in paradise?
Wine is prohibited here because it causes deviation from Allah. But will this wine not cause deviation from Allah in Paradise? Will Allah not want us to worship again? Why?
And why not?

And finally will I be able to ask Allah why did he not make me a prophet?
Why? Why?
I deserved it.

I am far better than Mohammed. I did not cheat. I did not hurt my mother. I worshiped you without seeing you for 18 years.
Why did not you make me a prophet?


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