Animal Dung is the food of Jinns

May 15, 2008

Bukhari – Volume 5, Book 58, Number 200:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

That once he was in the, company of the Prophet carrying a water pot for his ablution and for cleaning his private parts. While he was following him carrying it(i.e. the pot), the Prophet said, “Who is this?” He said, “I am Abu Huraira.” The Prophet said, “Bring me stones in order to clean my private parts, and do not bring any bones or animal dung.” Abu Huraira went on narrating: So I brought some stones, carrying them in the corner of my robe till I put them by his side and went away. When he finished, I walked with him and asked, “What about the bone and the animal dung?” He said, “They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me–and how nice those Jinns were–and asked me for the remains of the human food. I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them.”

1) Why was Mohammad cavorting with a race of Jinn, especially if Jinn are demonic spirits?
2) Why did Allah have mercy on the Jinn especially when he is against the Jinn?
3) Why did the Jinn want to eat animal dung or bones? Couldn’t they have chosen something better?
a) Mohammad, ever the nice guy, only managed to get the Jinn animal dung or bone because they were such nice Jinn. How much would he get you, as an individual, for being nice to him?

In a related twist, Bukhari added this verse to ensure that one day, his prophet’s words would be vindicated. And today, it has… With…

THE JINN CATCHER (The Muslim Dream Catcher)

However, in a move to show that this verse is real, chief Muslim scientists from around the globe have come up with a novel invention: The Jinn Catcher! The Jinn Catcher is like a giant mouse trap. It is operated by putting a piece of animal dung or bone in an area. Once the Jinn come and start eating the animal dung, they burn through a trip wire that immidiately causes a giant trap to fall on them.

In order not to hurt the Jinn, Muslim scientists have come up with a way to keep the Jinn alive in the trap. There is a fear that the Jinn would consume all the oxygen in the trap and in effect, suffocate themselves and no longer exist. Islamic scientists have managed to ensure that oxygen will continue to pump down into the trap, so that the Jinn may continue to breath.

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How Mohammad cleaned himself after Janaba [Sexual discharge]

May 12, 2008

Volume 1, Book 5, Number 248:
Narrated ‘Aisha:
Whenever the Prophet took a bath after Janaba [sexual discharge] he started by washing his hands and then performed ablution like that for the prayer. After that he would put his fingers in water and move the roots of his hair with them, and then pour three handfuls of water over his head and then pour water all over his body.

Once again, Bukhari informs faithful Muslim readers about Mohammad’s habits. This time, he talks about what Mohammad would do after sexually discharging himself. Once again, the Sunnah provides Muslims the perfect method of cleansing themselves after they satisfied their carnal instincts.

However, one must ask several questions about how Bukhari describes these events:

1) Why did Mohammad perform ablution the same way he performed it for prayer?
a) Why did Bukhari make a point of highlighting this fact?
b) Does Bukhari implicitly make a connection that Mohammad’s sex life is an important part of his religion (i.e. Several Quranic sources clearly show that Mohammad is a sexual libertine: Qur’an 33:51 – Mohammad can have any woman he desires; Qur’an 66:1 – Mohammad can break his vows to his consorts to add to his harem; Qur’an 66:5 – threat to his wives to behave, otherwise Allah will give Mohammad better wives; and one of the best lines coming from “Tabari VIII:110” – “When Abu Sufyan learned that the Prophet had taken her, he said, ‘That stallion’s nose is not to be restrained!'”)

Bukhari also highlights something that must be thought of in depth. If the above questions are thought of in the converse, and that sexuality was a wrong which required a full body cleansing, why is Mohammad’s idea of heaven filled with 72 virgins?

Finally, Bukhari clearly illustrates that the only method in which Mohammad knew how to purify himself was through the body.
1) If Mohammad was a prophet, a spiritual man, why was the cleansing of the body so important to him, but the cleansing of one’s spirit neglected?
a) In none of the Hadiths is there a chapter dedicated to cleaning the soul. Is this omission an admission that Mohammad confused bodily purity for spiritual purity?


Allah's Apostle forbade the eating of garlic and the meat of donkeys

May 9, 2008

Volume 5, Book 59, Number 526:
Narrated Ibn Umar:
On the day of Khaiber, Allah’s Apostle forbade the eating of garlic and the meat of donkeys.

And yet, most middle eastern dishes contain garlic. Next time a Muslim says “I cant eat pork”, one should say “you can’t eat garlic either but you still do!”

However, eating donkey meat is just disgusting…


Allah’s Apostle forbade the eating of garlic and the meat of donkeys

May 9, 2008

Volume 5, Book 59, Number 526:
Narrated Ibn Umar:
On the day of Khaiber, Allah’s Apostle forbade the eating of garlic and the meat of donkeys.

And yet, most middle eastern dishes contain garlic. Next time a Muslim says “I cant eat pork”, one should say “you can’t eat garlic either but you still do!”

However, eating donkey meat is just disgusting…


Mohammad had lots of semen on his clothes

May 8, 2008

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 229:
Narrated ‘Aisha:
I used to wash the traces of Janaba (semen) from the clothes of the Prophet and he used to go for prayers while traces of water were still on it (water spots were still visible).

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 230:
Narrated ‘Aisha:
as above (229).

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 231:
Narrated Sulaiman bin Yasar:
I asked ‘Aisha about the clothes soiled with semen. She replied, “I used to wash it off the clothes of Allah’s Apostle and he would go for the prayer while water spots were still visible. “

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 232:
Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimun:
I heard Sulaiman bin Yasar talking about the clothes soiled with semen. He said that ‘Aisha had said, “I used to wash it off the clothes of Allah’s Apostle and he would go for the prayers while water spots were still visible on them.

Volume 1, Book 4, Number 233:
Narrated ‘Aisha:
I used to wash the semen off the clothes of the Prophet and even then I used to notice one or more spots on them.

Wow… Mohammad was quite the man. I am sure Bukhari included these verses because of his admiration and total respect for Mohammad.

Yet, once again, this story brings to mind several questions regarding the life and times of Mohammad.

1) If Mohammad had many wives, why was his semen on his clothes?
a) Did Mohammad withdraw and get the semen on hmself?
b) Couldn’t Mohammad have shot the semen somewhere else?
c) Was Mohammad the inventor of the “money shot” which resulted in his poor aim?
d) What type of sexual moves was Mohammad pioneering where Aisha was just never able to clean all the semen stains of his cloak?
2) Why didn’t Mohammad use another cloak before he went to preach?
a) As a prophet who was entitled to 20% of the war booty, couldnt he have at least obtained another cloak/robe just for that reason?
b) Couldnt Mohammad have waited until the wet spots used to clean his semen were dry before he went to preach?
3) How much semen did Mohammad have on his cloak, seeing how Aisha would always find another spot?
4) Was it customary for people in 600 AD Arabia to have semen on their clothing, especially considering that Aisha made it a point to relate this story to several people, as if she were complaining about having to clean Mohammad’s semen stains?

And finally, a question for modern day Muslims:

If Mohammad is the perfect human being, and should be imitated by all Muslims, shouldn’t all Muslims make sure to have semen stains on their clothing, and then have their wives clean it with water before they go and work, in order to faithfully imitate their prophet?


When you bargain, say "No Cheating"

May 7, 2008

Volume 9, Book 86, Number 94:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

A man mentioned to the Prophet that he had always been cheated in bargains. The Prophet said, “Whenever you do bargain, say, ‘No cheating.'”

Ok, I have no idea how uttering the words “no cheating” is going to stop someone from hustling you.

I went to Chinatown the other day, and I told the Chinese men, “no cheating.” Instantaneoulsy, they lowered the prices of their goods to cost, and, oh my… I saved a bundle. I then went to the GAP and uttered this line. Lo and behold, the prices were cut by half.

That is the most clever line I ever heard in my life.

(The above events are sarcastic…)


When you bargain, say “No Cheating”

May 7, 2008

Volume 9, Book 86, Number 94:

Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

A man mentioned to the Prophet that he had always been cheated in bargains. The Prophet said, “Whenever you do bargain, say, ‘No cheating.'”

Ok, I have no idea how uttering the words “no cheating” is going to stop someone from hustling you.

I went to Chinatown the other day, and I told the Chinese men, “no cheating.” Instantaneoulsy, they lowered the prices of their goods to cost, and, oh my… I saved a bundle. I then went to the GAP and uttered this line. Lo and behold, the prices were cut by half.

That is the most clever line I ever heard in my life.

(The above events are sarcastic…)